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The Long and Winding Roadby George Ziemann This page last modified -- August 3, 2010 -- 10:30 p.m. Toledo -- Hangin' Wit da HomiesThe rest of the week in Toledo was filled with a steady stream of of family members dropping over to see me. I had given some serious thought to looking up old friends and bandmates, but just keeping up with the family members pretty much dominated what time I was there. In terms of re-connecting with family, it was much more productive that I would have imagined. I had left Toledo for good in 1976, after the early band I did sound for, Legend, broke up. Ended up back in Lawrence, Kansas. Went back to Toledo a year or so later to help out at home because my Dad had a couple of heart attacks. Stayed for about a year, then relocated to Iowa with most or the members of Legend, which re-formed as Z-Pike (as in Zebulon Pike, the namesake of Pike's Peak). That band eventually broke up in Des Moines and I stayed there. As mentioned, went back in 2005 for Rachel's graduation from Bowling Green State University. On my way from the Wayne County Airport (Detroit) to Bowling Green, I had taken a brief tour of Toledo. Didn't hunt anyone down, just drove around a couple of neighborhoods, including Holland, where I spent most of my more memorable childhood days (from age 9 to 17). The entire city was almost unrecognizable. It wasn't so much that all the cool bars we used to play at or just hang out in (the Agora, the FaBa, Benny's East) were all gone. That's to be expected. But after living in Phoenix so long, the most significant thing was how narrow all the streets were. A close second was that the entire city seemed to have turned into a forest. All the tiny trees in the suburban areas (which were new developments when I was a kid) had grown to maturity, and those relatively sparse neighborhoods had taken on a completely new character -- darker, less open. It's funny how your memory works. Everything had seemed so much smaller and compact than I had remembered. Probably because I had been so much smaller and compact. Even the area around Daph's house had changed significantly, mostly for the same reasons. Finding her house used to be a simple exercise. Today, I'd get lost in a heartbeat. This was one of the main reasons I hadn't looked anyone up in 2005. Wasn't sure how to find a lot of the familiar places. Besides, that trip was all about Rachel. I had missed 13 of the first 14 years of her life, so every time I get time with her, it is precious to me. And seeing her had been at the top of my list of Things to Do while I was in Toledo this time, too.
We went to lunch, giving us time to be alone, catch up and letting me spill out some of the details of my situation that I was glossing over with everyone else. Despite missing so many years, Rachel and I have made up for it by making sure that when we do spend time together, we skip all the superficial bullshit and get right to some serious thought. She's a great listener and always has insightful observations. While we were at lunch, my wife, Deb, called. She was expecting some tension, had failed to ship my computer to New Orleans like I had asked because a bout of cellulitus had landed her in the hospital. So the conversation started out defensive on her part, figuring I was going to be irate about the computer, which is pretty important to me in terms of producing an income, accessing my web site, doing music production and just about every other important facet of my life. Sitting across the table from Rachel and Zen made it impossible to be upset about too much of anything. Even though it's not a perfect fit, this was also counting toward the "living every song on the album" thing by bringing the song "Child" into the mix. My child and Rachel's child. By this point in time, I had already talked to Carl about staying in the empty house he had left behind in Amado, AZ (south of Tucson). His plan had never been to stay in Connecticut forever, but it was an open-ended thing. He needed someone to keep the place up for him anyway. He's got a nice garden, with several trees in their infancy, all of which had been abandoned just as summer started -- not a good thing in Arizona. So I calmed Deb down, told her to just hang on to the computer and I'd pick it up when I got back to AZ and not to worry about it. At that moment, I certainly hadn't been. At this point, it had been two full weeks since I left all my meds behind. The night at CP's place in New York had been the only real full night of restful sleep during the entire trip. I was over any withdrawal issues by now, but the lack of antidepressants and fitful sleep schedule should have been making me edgy by now. What I was feeling, however, was a total calm. My hands weren't shaky any longer (like they had been for the last several years), I was feeling no tension, not even harboring any resentment for getting tossed out. Dominos were still falling, the chain reaction was still in progress. Everything happens for a reason. I was no longer fighting that mantra or even questioning it. Instead, I was starting to rely on it, beginning to trust my initial instincts at every new situation that arose. The only real question I was still mulling over was what the ultimate reason was.
The rest of the week was a steady stream of people I hadn't seen in eon, all of which were family members. A recurring theme was for everyone to tell me that I looked just like my Mom (whereas my brother Ed looks just like our Dad). Funny, I don't remember Mom ever having a beard. Saw Ed and his wife, Mary, and my neice, Ashley, who stopped over just in time for dinner on Wednesday. My aunt Cheryl stopped by with her daughter, Shari -- although it's probably more accurate to say Shari dropped by with her Mom. They had lived across the street almost all of the time that I had lived in Holland. I had been Shari's babysitter when she was tiny. Never had seen her as a grown-up. Rachel came by again on Thursday (without Zen this time), and Daph's son Charles (Chuck) dropped by at dinner time. Daph's husband, also named Charles (but he went by Ed) has been vice president of the UAW local at the Chevy plant in Toledo during the 60's. This was at the same time as Jimmy Hoffa was running the Teamsters and there are a lot of interesting stories to be told about Ed. I'm not going to do it here, but one involved the fact that he used to be a preferred bodyguard for the Kennedys (John and Bobby) when they came to town. Ed had the ability to put a large number of people between the person he was protecting and any potential threat. Chuck fought being involved in the same pursuit, primarily because he didn't want to be seen as riding on his dad's coattails. He ended up being a union steward anyway, but he did it on his own, although not until few people were making the connection. He did it on his own, which made it much more palatable. All in all, it was a great week for reconnecting. This would only be the start. Since I left Toledo, I have found a lot more family members through Facebook and just as many made the effort to find me. Looking at the greater picture, what all of this did for me was to simply be reminded that they were out there. When I had first started driving in early June and was trying to think of where I could possibly go, I hadn't thought of any of these people. But every one of them would have helped in any way they could. All I ever had to do was ask. It's easy to forget, especially if you get your life wrapped up in your own little nuclear family or let your spouse's family dominate your consciousness. But they're always out there.
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